pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
