If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
