not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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