Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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