There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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