i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
