just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
