did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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