that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
