More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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