he thought i was a dude.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
