Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
