So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
