I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
