It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
