I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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