And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
