I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
