Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
