So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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