whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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