Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
