i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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