im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
