Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
