I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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