what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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