You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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