Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
