my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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