Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
