so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I need a beard to bite.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
