I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
