okay pat passed out under dana's car
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
