We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
