It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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