Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
