The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
