It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
