Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
