on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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