I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
