if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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