I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
