Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
