It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
