i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
