just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
