so let's talk penis.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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