I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
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You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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