PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
