yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
