I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
